


Be Selfish

by heart_made_fullmetal



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Awkward Romance, Awkwardness, Fluff, Kissing, M/M, Reunions, hidekane, kanehide - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-16
Updated: 2016-04-16
Packaged: 2018-06-02 13:12:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,360
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6567751
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heart_made_fullmetal/pseuds/heart_made_fullmetal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hide and Kaneki reunite but things are a bit awkward at first, but it all works out in the end</p>
            </blockquote>





	Be Selfish

Time had passed since Hinami’s rescue from Cochlea, 3 weeks to be exact. Kaneki’s planned had been successful, and Hinami was currently living safely with Touka; however, Yomo had been gravely injured during the operation leaving Touka lonely in the shop with only Nishiki to keep her company. Hinami was required stayed in the upstairs bedroom located above :Re, unable to leave due to her face being plastered all over Tokyo. But she could always smell fresh coffee and hear soft music play in her solitude until Touka came home. Ayato, who was also a part of the operation, he kept his distance, choosing to follow Banjou, who was reluctant, instead. To everyone’s surprise, Ayato has cut all ties to Aogiri; their abandonment of Hinami only severed as a wake-up call that they did not care about their comrades, wanting nothing to do with them anymore.

 

During the operation, Kaneki had planned to die by Arima’s hands but with Banjou’s intervention along with Touka and Ayato halted it, made him hesitate; his suicidal plans never truly disappeared though, but it truly made him question his reason for sacrificing himself was for again. He didn’t want hesitate and needed to get away from all of them but was stopped by a man in a mask. Working alongside Banjou, a man with a #86 gas-mask spoke with the same voice, same vernacular as Hide and it only caused Kaneki’s breathing to hitch, refusing to get his hopes up that this was him. But all too quick and sudden, he lifted his mask and behind him was someone he had dreamed of seeing for 4 years. His hair was slicked back, his smile still on his face even after he removed his mask, little scars scattered all over his face. Hide had changed so much but Kaneki made out all the details, which had matured, and recognized them. Kaneki could feel his shoulders shake, a sob prepping itself to erupt from his throat, tears already flowing like a river down his face. Having spent so much time planning on dying, Kaneki could no longer process a single thought, like he was in a catatonic state. He doesn’t remember much after that. Previously, he would not be convince out of sacrificing himself, but he can’t just die now, not with Hide right there. He had to live just a bit longer, long enough to speak to Hide one last time.

 

That was 3 weeks ago, when the escaped with quite a few casualties, and Kaneki had yet to speak to Hide, actively avoiding him as long as he could. Fear tore through his nerves. Any opportunity where they got the chance to talk, Kaneki would make any excuse so he wouldn’t have to meet up with Hide. He was so scared of what Hide would say to him when they spoke. What he would blame him for, those scars, he caused them, didn’t he? The questions bubbled in his skull, begging to leak out of his ear. In his heart, a deep guilt and shame consumed him because he knew he should speak to him but couldn’t. Kaneki would prattle throughout the hideout and pretend to talk to ghouls about something important but Hide saw through it easily but respected Kaneki’s space; he waited 4 years, what’s a couple of more?

 

Kaneki would attempt to subtlety look at Hide, but he seemed to lose his cool head when it came to his best friend, making a fool of himself quite often. Hide would find things to do and worked as Banjou’s strategist and he was even helping him with is reading, surprising Kaneki. It was so surreal to Kaneki, to see Hide working with so many ghouls despite being human, only causing him to worry some more. In spite of this, Kaneki trusted Banjou and the ghouls he worked with.

 

It wasn't until Kaneki was lost in thought causing him to ran into someone during his walk around the corridors that things shifted.

 

“Ah! Excuse me. I didn’t see y-“Kaneki began apologetically only to quickly lose his composure. Now he was face to face with the person he has been avoiding these past weeks. He still kept that smile on his face for him, it was gently and shy, and Kaneki wanted to kiss it. There was an awkward tense forming and Kaneki didn’t know what to do and neither did Hide; they both just stood there, shifting on their feet, attempting to come up with something to say before quickly dispersing.

“I-“

“I have to go. Banjou asked me to do something,’” lying hurt more than anything Kaneki’s ever experienced before. Of course Banjou hadn’t ask anything of him, and Hide knew it, but it was easy for fear to take over and completely overshadow your desires and want. He moved swiftly around Hide, his eyes diverting to the ground now; Kaneki caught a glimpse of Hide rubbing his arm, the one he consumed. He almost made it out before they were interrupted.

 

Before Kaneki would make his exit, he felt a heavy hand on his shoulder. “Don’t worry about the thing I asked you about, Kaneki. I can take care of it.” Banjou quickly intervening in their exchange. All too quickly, Kaneki was left no viable excuse to avoid Hide without truly hurting him, at least before there was the false comfort of having an excuse.

 

“You two haven’t seen each other in a while, right? You guys should catch up.” Damn Banjou and his good intentions. Kaneki was grateful for his considerate nature but he felt he got thrown into a den of a hungry lion. Now he would have to comfort the very person he’s hurt the most and hear his honest feelings about everything that has happened these last couple of years.

 

No sooner did Kaneki and Hide find themselves drinking coffee in silence; Kaneki noticed that Hide has having black coffee just like him. Hide drank it without as much as a wince or sour expression, having become completely use to it. The only sound that could be heard was the clinking sounds of their cups hitting the table and occasionally blowing sound to cool their coffee. Neither could look the other in the eye but something needed to be said.

 

“How””How””have””are””been?””you?” Both spoke at the exact same moment, mixing their words and question together. It was funny they both asked about the well being of the other out of pure concern but also to get the conversation going. Hide insisted Kaneki go first; Kaneki reluctantly accepts though, wanting to hear about Hide more than wanting to talk about himself.

 

“I’ve been…well.” It was so weird doing this, catching up with Hide. There was 4 years’ worth of information, knowledge, that Hide didn’t know about. So much lost time that Hide should have been a part of, stuff he didn’t need to be told because he should have been there. But he wasn’t and that hit Kaneki hard, and he fought back his sadness. He went on to explain about the Q's and Akira, Hide quickly mentioning he worked with her before. He mentioned all the awards he’s won and the amazing people he’s met and even Arima. Hide listened intently just like he’s always done and it made Kaneki happy how much he’s still the same person. Voice more natural, Kaneki’s recount flowed smoothly out of his mouth, unaware of how natural it was telling Hide about all of this.

 

“I am pleased to hear that you have been well and treated properly, Kaneki.” Hide said genuinely but his word choice and tone was off and unnatural. Hide was being so formal with him and Kaneki did not like it one bit at all. He didn’t think Hide realized it himself either.

 

“Y-you don’t have to be so formal with me, you know?” Kaneki reassured him, giving him the push he needed to address him like before. Kaneki saw Hide face change to an expression of surprise. So it seemed that Hide really wasn’t aware of his own speech.

 

“I’m sorry!” Now he was bowing formally. “I’ve made it a habit to be formal with people or else I could get punished or scolded.” So this is one of the things Hide learned living amongst ghouls, thinking about it left a sour taste in his mouth.

 

“Hide…please don’t apologize like that…” Kaneki could tell his voice was breaking and slow. “Please…lift your head…”Kaneki felt a tear run down his cheek, leaving Hide staggered.

 

“H-hey, Kaneki. Don’t cry. Sorry, dude!” Hide, frantically panicking, tried to recover and reassure Kaneki that he didn’t mean anything by it; it was just something out of habit for him and nothing personal against him. Kaneki felt Hide's warm strong hand on his shoulder; Hide’s way of always comforting him. The tension between the two has appeared again and Kaneki wanted to leave. He felt too much guilt and he just wanted to avoid everything again. He made a move to excuse him and began getting up before Hide’s gentle hand touched his own.

 

“Please don’t leave, Ken.” Hide’s voice was low and dejected even in a murmur. In all these years, Kaneki did nothing more than to detach himself from his emotions, to not let such things affect him, to not let words influence his action. But when it was Hide, everything was different. He couldn’t leave him, couldn’t ignore that plea, refused to be the one to break his heart further and so he chose to stay.

 

Once he sat down, Kaneki, attention and concern focused on his friend, asked him again about his condition, carefully eyeing his missing limb. He had two arms during Cochlea, didn’t he? He felt an empty feeling in the pit of his stomach that flowed through the rest of his body. Observant as always, Hide noticed.

 

“Oh, this?” Directing both their attention directly on his stump; Kaneki visibly jumped, having being caught red handed. His eyes quickly averted Hide and stared into his cold, half-empty coffee cup, rattling in Kaneki’s trembling hands.

 

“Hey, hey now. Don’t worry about it!” Hide made the effort to smooth things over for him and laugh it off. “Don’t feel guilty for staring. Kids do it all the time when I’m out in public,” waving it off like it was nothing. Even when doing so, Kaneki pinched the bridge of his nose, now he could feel tears leaking through his eyes. Kaneki desperately tried to keep Hide safe, for him to live a comfortable life and this was the result of it all; he was a failure.

 

“Kaneki…it’s okay.” His voice was tender and comforting, there was no trace of malice or bitterness at all to him. “This,” hand smoothing over his lost limb, “serves as a reminder of my resolve.” Kaneki looked into those golden orbs he's always loved and felt at peace with, they held a determination that he never noticed before.

 

“Kaneki, I don’t regret the decision that I made, not one bit. I thought maybe one day I would, but each night I go to bed I’m content that you got to live. Looking at the situation we’re in now,” he chuckled, “maybe things were too good to be true, but I’m happy that you got to live a relatively peaceful life with people who love you…Kaneki, I love you, and I would have done anything that is possible to see you happy.”

 

Eyes wide, mouth gaped, Kaneki gawked at Hide, looking quite dumbfounded and possible silly.

 

“D-did I say something wrong?” Hide was now uncomfortable.

 

“W-what did you just say?” Kaneki sputtered, causing Hide to lean back.

 

“I-I would do anything to see you happy…?”

 

Kaneki shook his head, furiously. “No, before that!”

 

“I’m happy that you got to-“

 

“After!”

 

Hide’s own eyes widen when he realized what words Kaneki asked him to repeat.

 

“T-that I-I love you?” A blush washed over Hide’s vanilla cream complexion, growing darker at the tip of his ears.

 

Kaneki’s complexion was a lighter shade then Hide’s current countenance but pink nonetheless.

 

“You love me…?” Whispering more to himself than to Hide, finding it hard to believe after all that he’s done.

 

“Of course I do!” Hide stood abruptly, quaking the table. “I’ve always loved you! I loved you more than I’ve ever loved anyone before, more than a friend. I’ve been in love with you for so long. I-“

 

“YOU’RE IN LOVE WITH ME?!”

 

This revelation was new information to Kaneki. Knowing Hide loved him was one thing but IN LOVE was something completely different and it caught both off guard. Hide’s face was blank and quickly turned to one of embarrassment.

 

“That wasn’t what you were referring to?!”

 

“I-I thought you meant like brotherly love or something!” Kaneki now hid his blushing face with his hands, turning away like a shy schoolgirl, and Hide turned his face a different direction to hide his blunder.

 

Having Hide love him was already too good to be true for Kaneki but having him be IN love with him was so alien to him, so unreal. Here he was, the Black Reaper, Centipede, and Eyepatch, one of Tokyo’s scariest investigators and ghoul, being reduced to a blushing disaster. To have Hide be in love with him made him wonder if he really deserved it, fighting back and forth mentally, telling himself that he did and didn’t because he truly did want Hide.

 

“S-sorry…I shouldn’t have said that…”Hide spoke up, causing Kaneki to forget about his inner conflict as he peeked through his fingers. “We have only just seen each other after four years…it was wrong of me to say that. I should have been more aware…” bowing slightly, one would miss it if Kaneki wasn’t paying attention. Hide was going back to speaking formally to him.

 

“NO!”

 

Hide jumped at Kaneki’s suddenness.

 

Kaneki reached out and look Hide’s hand into his own. Callous…he thought as he smoothed and thumbed over his hand.

 

“I-found it hard to believe that you would love me…after what I did-“

 

“Kaneki, I alrea-“

 

“Please let me finish, Hide.” His tone wasn’t harsh or stern; he just wanted to be able to speak before he lost his nerve. “I know that you sacrificed yourself for me but I can’t help but blame myself for it. I-Hide, don’t give me that look- I, despite that, I feel selfish for thinking that I deserve to have the love you feel for me…It’s probably wrong of me…heh…but I want to be loved by you. I’m in love with you too, Hide. I’ve never felt like I deserved it before but I lost you once and it was the most painful thing I’ve experienced; I wanted to die. I don’t want to experience that again.”

 

He said all that he could say and maybe a little more. He had so much inside him that was ready to erupt, and now, Hide helped him lift some of that weight off his shoulders. He didn’t know what Hide would say to his selfishness but right now he felt happiness.

 

Hide sighed. “There you go again, thinking you don’t deserve love.  Man, Kaneki, sometimes you frustrate me. Listen here, buddy,pal, friend! No matter what you think, I have and will always love you even if you destroy the world, I’ll be there for you! Be selfish! I am! Seeing you happy was so I can be happy too! There is nothing wrong with selfishness.” Hide crossed his arms and puffed up his cheeks like a balloon.

 

“There is a difference in our selfish nature…”

 

“Ah! Who cares! Just be selfish! You can have all of me, so it’s fine!”

 

At that, Kaneki cheeks became red once again. Having all of Hide moved something within Kaneki, almost possessive like. Hide was his, all of his and it made him feel overjoyed.

 

“Hide, can I kiss you?” Now Kaneki was being bold and blunt, deep down he knew that he would be getting that kiss, rejection was no longer one of his fears.

 

“W-W-What are y-y-you asking, you i-idiot!?” Hide was the one who was struggling with his words and thought. Kaneki flashed him a sweet, innocent smile along with his doe eyes. Hide’s heart was struck with Cupid’s arrow.

 

“F-fine! You’re lucky I’m feeling generous!” Hide declared as he moved to sit next to Kaneki. He was attempting to save face from his reaction only to fall flat.

 

Kaneki gave him a small smile as Hide got closer and close until

 

“I can’t do it when you stare like that! Close your eyes!” Hide demanded dramatically. This entire performance amused Kaneki to no end. It was something to tell their kids in the future…Great. Now he was thinking about having kids with this man. “Okay, okay,” Kaneki waved off his exaggerated outbursts and closed his eyes obediently. He then felt a small peck on his cheek.

 

“There you go.” Hide looked quite pleased with himself like he was some hot shit. Kaneki looked at him like he was an idiot.

 

“Hide…”

 

“Hm?”

It was Kaneki’s turn to show him how it was done. He grabbed the back of Hide’s head and brought it closer to his, bring their lips together to become one. Hide smelled of vanilla and coconut, his lips were plump and a little chapped, wetting them when he ran his tongue over them. His hand remained entangled in his hair while the other one cupped his face. Hide breathing was a bit irregular, his brain confused if he should continue kissing or get some air, kissing sounding more desirable. Kaneki’s kiss was bold, though he argued he just wanted to wet Hide’s chapped lips. He pulled away and Hide was left in a daze, his expression looked like was seeing stars.

 

“H-Hide, are you okay?” Kaneki was slightly worried.

 

“That was-awesome.” He emphasized on awesome. “You’ve become so much bolder.”

 

“I-it wasn’t that big of a deal…I mean, you only kissed my cheek,” muttering to himseld as he wiggled in his chair as he defended his bold kiss.

 

“Hey. I was doing that to keep you pure but you ended up stealing my maidenhood…” Hide pretended to sniff and cry.

 

“You’re too much but so cute sometimes, Hide.” He whispered lowly that even Hide didn’t hear.

 

“Huh? What was that?”

 

“It’s nothing, “kissing his forehead.

 

It was wonderful how natural and comfortable and familiar and casual they could be together despite not seeing each other for four years. It's not surprising though, Hide and Kaneki were soulmates, always meant to be together. No amount of time or distance could ever tear these two apart. Kaneki had no idea how he managed to survive so long without Hide by his side. Things were different now, and there was no way that Kaneki would ever let Hide go again.

* * *

“Hey Kaneki! Let me show you my room!” Hide got up like a jack-in-a-box. They had 2 cups of coffee as they were catching up and now cleaning things up. Kaneki took over these type of duties; since Hide only had one arm caused him to baby him despite Hide showing he was capable of doing things on his own.

 

“Okay” He sang. Drying his hands on a rag and made a move, grabbingHide’s hand lacing them with his own and made their way to Hide's room. They both knew that things will only get more painful and difficult as time progresses. V, Aogiri, the CCG, they all needed to be dealt with and he couldn’t let them do what they wanted any longer. He could no longer afford to do things on his own; despite not wanting Hide involved, he knew it was inevitable. He had to fight for him, to live even though his mind constantly fought against the notion but as long as Hide was there, he was sure those thoughts will be overpowered by Hide and other loved ones.

 


End file.
